aries6909

Well Well, I haven't been on here in so long...Jess reminded me I have a live journal.

So, Timmy and I's 2 year anniversary is May 10th, Yay, I love him!!! Ummm...I am not really doing anything with my life right now, I feel like a loser but, hey, what do ya do? I could say I am looking for a job, and I am thinking about going to school. But basically those are excuses for being lazy and just sitting around all day, waiting for timmy's paychecks to support me, and its bullshit.

But, for reals...We are looking for a house/apartment, Depending on how soon jess wants to move out of Scotty's mom's house...Cause Timmy and I really want to move outta here. Not because we hate my mom, and not because we hate ANYTHING, because we know we have it good. But we just need to get out. And there is the job thing again, it will be WAY easier for us to move out of here if I get a damn JOB. I need to just DO IT. Umm, yea thats all i have to say.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOM!!!! I LOVE YOU!!WOW!!!! its been forever since i have written in here. Well, timmy and I are still together, we've been together for 8 months. Its weird having a boyfriend for that long because i have alway been in short meaningless relationships. Im having fun....i still get butterflies everytime he walks into a room. Yes even after 8 months.
Like 2 months ago i moved in with him because my mom hit me, and then after a month, him and I moved back in my house....Well he wasn't officially living here until like a week ago when his mom asked him to come and get his shit. So his shit is in my room and its cool. My room is so badass dude...i moved it into the room with the fireplace because its winter and cold...and so i have a fire every night while we sleep. Its sexy fucking in front of a fireplace. LoL. The first 4 months of mine and timmy's relationship were so hard. He treated me like shit. and these past 4 months he has been so attached and so nice....Its like as soon as i started to talk to kirk he like freaked and told me that i couldn't talk to him so i told him that he cant go over to ray's house cause his ex lives there. SO HA!!! two can play at that game. BIOTCH!! haha anyway... I am hanging out with my friend katie again. She is badass. She was hanging out with this girl named erica but then she started talking to me and erica got all jealous like a lil bitch i dont know why though....i tole her if she wanted she could hang out with us anytime and she was like *whine whine whine* so fuck her up her nasty ass...:-p So katie and i have been hanging out everyday now....my lil sis doesn't like her....its cause she is jealous though. so i dont really care...im gonna go now ill start writing in here again...

Today was a good day. It started off with a 20 oz carmel granita, yum. I love coffee. Then i went to school, sang in chior had people sign my yearbook. CWA was fun but a little boring. English was awesome i got lil glasses in the shape of 2004 cause im graduating in 2 1/2 days. And then 5th was reallllllly boring. Thats my hope class ICK! There are a bunch on niggers in that class. they suck. Then i went to ceramics and i had to clean up the room for my final. It sucked. So then i got home and right away my lil sis was in a BITCHY ASS MOOD!!! let me tell you what i wanted to fucking sock her in her fuckin face dude. She has been a bitch all day. So Timmy and I were sitting in her room w/ her and her boyfriend watching a movie and she was bitching the whole fucking time. So i said Fuck it and i walked out. Timmy is still up there but let me tell you what if i would have heard her bitch one more time i swear to god..... AHHH! she is such a bitch like all the time. I have never known her to be in a good mood. Well only when sean isn't around and she has no one to hang out with, then she is nice to me. Makes me feel like shit. I dont know, i dont care. Fuck it man. The other day i got frustrated and punched my wall and guess what!!!! I put a hole in it. I was so proud. Everyone else got mad because they thought that i was trying to hurt myself. I tried to punch a pillow and it didn't help at all man. Timmy and I are great. He is such a sweet guy, i love him a lot. Its weird how him and I are. Its more like we are friends then boyfriend & girlfriend. Then there are times when its more like boyfriend & girlfriend. Im happy. Well times to go

~*listen to sublime & remember the used*~

I had a weird day today. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad.  I had a fun day at school i didn't really have to do anything, so i was like ahhhh. But when mom picked me up i found out my lil sis went into my toom and took my last hydro and i was fuckin pissed so the first thing i did when i got through the door was yell at her for it.  I'm a lil stressed about school and i was thinking about donnie a lot today.  Then i called timmy but he in the bathroom shaving his head and i dont know if he shaved the whole thing but if he did im gonna be pissed because he has the most prettiest hair. and i love his hair.  And so i started to cry and i cried for like two hours and if he walks in the door after work and his whole head is shaved the shit is going to hit the fan im going to break down and cry again i know it. I told him that if he shaves his head im going to get into the ugly cry so its his fault if i cry casue i told him i was gonna. So, yea im in suck a weird mood today.  And timmy didn't even come over before he went to work and that made me even sadder. so im just like MRS. EMOTIONAL  today. I just dont see why everyone is shaving their heads. I know 5 guys who had long hair that shaved their heads and it pisses me off so bad because i love long hair on gyus i always have and i am never attracted to guys with short hair and now im all sad. Anyway. im  gonna go.

~*listen to sublime and remember the used*~

I finally have all this boy shit figured out. I didn't have to do any thinking really. Kirk is away from me, and i dont even really know him very well, and i had major feelings for him, but i honestly like timmy way more than i like anyone, i have liked him for so long, and i've been waiting for this opportunity for me and him for so long. And him and I finally have the relationship that i've wanted to i am so happy with him and i will stay with him. I really dont want to hurt kirk, but i kinda have a feeling i wont. When i think about me, i know ill be happiest with timmy. But i wasn't thinking about me i was thinking about them. So i stopped and thought about me, who i would be happiest with. So yea, timmy. thats all i have to say about that.  I graduate June 4th. My prom was yesterday, i didn't go. Im pissed off at myself for not going to my senior prom, but ill get over it. I went on a date friday, it was Timmy, Amanda, Sean and I.  Amanda is my lil sis. Her and sean have been together for almost 2 years. Its crazy. The longest relationship i have ever been in is 4 months. Crazy Daisy. Friday i sang the national anthem in front of my whole school. It was so badass. I was so proud of myself for not screwing it up.  I talked to my dad last night he made me cry. He pissed me off because he thinks he has done absolutely nothing wrong. He acts like nothing is wrong. i hate it.  I wish everything was back to normal. I wish Donnie was alove and i had my dad back. But hey, you dont always get what you want. Life is a bitch.  I havent talked to jessica in a while.  I didn't talk to her on friday cause she was with LJ and i hate LJ and it pisses me off that she was hanging out with her, but hey im over it. I just dont like when people talk shit about people then hang out with them. Cause how do i know she doesn't pull that shit with me, ya know? I trust her tho. LJ has done some fucked up shit to her. MAN I AM SO HAPPY. I really am. I have boy tummy and i like it. Timmy makes me happy. and i am so happy.  Well i think im done this is sooooo long. Ill start writing like everyday. Im just so busy. Alrighty, Bye Bye.

~*Listen to sublime and remember the used*~

Today i had such an awesome day.  At first i was worried that i wouldn't be able to go on this fieldtrip, but i made it and it was an awesome day. The fieldtrip was like a multicultural thing at gonzaga university, and we had two speakers. the 1st one was ok the second one was so badass, her name is Jane Elliot, and the first thing she said was "im a bitch and im going to say things that affend you and if you dont like that then you can leave" BAM. I was like hell yea.  She was talking about sex, and how people like it but we are too young and this guy like disagreed and she said "hey you are too young and probably have no idea what your doing anyways" i laughed my ASS off. So, she just talked about how we are racist but dont notice it. And these two black bitches that i fucking hate would not stop being stupid. she said nigger-lover and they were like "can you please stop" Kamee(a friend of mind) was like Ummmm can you shut up! i was so proud. Let me tell you what there is a difference between niggers and black people and these two bitches are NIGGERS. and i was so happy that kamee said that shit. They are racist against any white people. So, anyways. After the fieldtrip i went into my 6th to say hi to Miss.Z and LJ was in there i walked in and she walked to the back of the room. I was like HELL YEA fuckin cunt. haha. I am having an awesome day.  So i drove home from school with Jess and here i am. So. today was a good day!

~*listen to sublime& remember the used*~

Last night I got drunk, and i had my friend timmy come sleep with me cause of course i didn't wanna sleep alone. So we were down in my room watching fightclub. Then i guess one thing led to another we were just kissing, nothing more really.  Everything stayed above the waist.  But i guess i gave him a tramp stamp. i not i guess.....i did. But man i felt like and ass cause i told him not to give me one last night. So yea i just feel like a pile of shit.  Plus. i feel bad because of the whole kirk thing. I dont know what to do or think. fuck it.

Today was a pretty boring day, we went and saw timmy and work, sat around, and we are doing laundry right now. I stayed up until 6:00 this morning and i woke up at 9:30. Im just a bit tired. Fuck dude im way tired, exhausted. confused. too many emotions.  Today Mike told me that kirk was back and i believed him then he said that he was jokin. I was so pissed. 

Right now i am watching some funny ass porn dude this shit is crazy.... HAHA alright goodnight

Alright, so tonight was a memorial for homicide victims, Like there family and friends go to the clocktour and hold candles listen to music poems. There was a picture slide show. Then we threw petals in the spokane river.

I went for Donnie and Tom, I was doing really good i didn't cry, until Tom Sr went up to talk about his motocycle that he got made in memory for his son. So. today im in a sad/mad mood. I dont know how i feel. Its hard to explain.

~*listen to sublime and remember the used*~

Last night had had a weird dream. My friend Donnie was in it, he was shot and killed in october. So, LJ and Jess were at my house along with kirk and tony and luke.  So, we are all hangin out and Donnie comes over, i hug his forever and tell him that i miss him and he walks over to LJ and is like "You have a major attitude problem and an attidude like that will get you beat up around here so u need to watch yourself."  He told her that she treats me and Jessica like shit and she is gonna lose all her friends, and all this crazy shit. I was so tripped out. Crazy Daisy.

The story with Donnie was that he was a good friend of my families, and one night he was at my friend Ross' house and there was like 5 people there drinking (sean, chelsea, ashley, mike, and Brandon).  Brandon starts to get mad and starts fighting with sean, then leaves and tells everyone that when he comes back they are all going to be dead so chelsea got scared and called Donnie and Tom, so they came over to make sure nothing happens. So, brandon comes back with a gun. shoots the front door down. Everyone runs downstairs to the basement except Tom and donnie, the guy shoots tom so donnie ran downstairs and went to the the bedroom where everyone else was, and shut the door, an crouched down on the floor.  Brandon went in there, shot him in the neck. then sean and ross attacked him. and he went to jail. and i lost my two friends.

So, there is the story of donnie and tom, just in case i talk about them.

Alrighty, So i am terrified of horses, well not so much anymore, but i was until about 2 weeks ago when i first rode a horse, anyways. So, im totally over my fear of horses until today my horse decided not to listen to me.  So, it didn't want to go on the trail so it would turn around and try to run the other direction so i was like freaking out so we all turned around and went back to the house. So, i felt like a complete ass. and then everyone gets back and talks about how fun it was and i was sad that i got scared so i have been crying because im all emotional today. Then, another horse (cleo) freaked out on me because i guess you arent suppose to tie her up and i did then my friend timmy yelled at me and made it even worse AND I HAD SUCH AN AWESOME DAY TODAY until then. So now im all pissy and i love to be happy, but fuck it im just not.  Tonight i am going to a Matthew Shepherd memorial thingy. Im excited about that. The story of Matthew Sheperd has always been important to me so that should make me feel a little happier to give some money and help.  Im glad LJ didn't come to school today so i didn't have to worry about that shit. I was high on Hydros so i really didn't care. But i still am glad she wasn't there. She's a bitch.  Man, today i felt so sick driving up to the horses and then back down, i thought i was gonna puke my guts out. Im glad i didn't that would SUCK BALLS. Alrighty i think im done. Maybe ill write letter.  

~*Listen to Sublime & Remember The Used*~

 

JESS I LOVE YOU!!
ok i just needed to say that. But anyway, today after i got our of school and Jess and i started to hang out, it turned out being a good day. We were supposed to go horseback riding but i needed to help my mom babysit and there were way too many people going there anyways. So, jess and i walked and went and got M&M's and snickers, then we went and went swinging at the park. Jess got stuck upside down on the swing because she was trying to flip. It was fun to watch. Then we came home and she called her friend matt who moved away and she hadn't talked to him in forever so she was happy, and that made me happy. So yay awesome day. but im sleepy so goodnight

Wow, Alright. So, LJ and jessica are supposed to be bestfriends right? but LJ decided to invite jessica's boyfriend Tony to the races. I think thats fucked up. WHy would someone call there bestfriends boyfriend and ask them to go out somewhere with them. Let me tell you what, people are fucked up. AHHHH!!!! DRAMA FEST MAN. Well, when she first told me about this whole thing i thought maybe our guy friends were hanging out with LJ just to get Jess to stop hanging out with me cuase maybe they dont like me or something. but jess said thats not it at all, so im not freakin out about that. I just wish she was having a better day. Anyways, today i got my official paper saying that our class wants me to perform the national anthem at our multi-cultural con. WOW! Alright

Today has been a crazy day.  I know two girls named jessica one is little jessica (LJ) and the other is big jessica (jessica).  Me and LJ dont like eachother, we never get along. I have no idea why she hates me really, but she just started to be mean to me after jessica and i started to hang out. So, jessica and me are friends, she is my best friend. I love her. So, i feel bad that in school i dont really like to talk to her when she is with little jessica because, i just dont want to be around her.  So, i dont want jessica to be in the middle of us two hating eachother, not really hating but disliking one another. So, what to do right?  Fuck it. Im so stubborn i dont get it. I just dont want jessica to get mad over it. I know she probably wont she pretty much understands me more than anyone else i know.  I miss my dad.  He has decided to choose his new girlfriend over me. I've always been daddy's little girl, and now. he is too good for me. I dont get it. I also miss kirk. He went to amsterdam until this summer shit maybe even longer. Mine and his "relationship" is hard to explain.  We are just like really good friends, Jessica calls us "lovers". I dont care what we are i just want him to come back soon. 

Today in english i found out that i have a D i need to get that raised, to at least a C and soon. I graduate in like 30 days. SHIT this sucks.  Peace

~*listen to sublime & Remember The Used*~